About a month ago I had 4 days off that I was notified about exactly 2 days in advance. Being really new to Korea this did not exactly give me a lot of time to plan a vacation. I made plans with Cate to go to Busan (the other sort of cool city in Korea on the opposite coast, the cleaner coast), but she cancelled last minute due to lack of funds, and I was left with no plans. I texted lots of people, and did some Internet searches, and didn’t come up with anything I wanted to do by myself, or anyone who wanted to go anywhere with me. If I went somewhere by myself I had in mind a mountain or the ocean (preferably both). I didn’t want to wander around another big polluted city by myself. On the Friday night before my vacation I went drinking with my co-workers. I drank far to much soju which (I have now had enough experience with to know for a fact) is always what happens with Koreans. Their drinking games are brutal, and I am sure that they change the rules for unsuspecting foreigners who don’t know any better. At the beginning of the night it was just Amy (my co-kindergarten teacher), and Dustin (the gym teacher, who also teachers only kindergarten). These are the people at work who I am closest to, because I hang out with them all day. We ate some food together, and got pretty drunk. Dustin was pretty tired that night, and he was speaking to Amy in Korean more often then usual. At one while listening attentively to their Korean conversation I realized that I had been listening as if it was French, and I could get the jest of what was going on, but not really communicate my own ideas, but this was not the case. I understood exactly nothing. The only thing I did pick up on were the polite endings to words. The only kind of information that gives you is whether they are talking about a kid, a boss, or their grandparents, and at that point I wasn’t even sure what meant what. At this point of realization I gave them a little very interested look which was enough for them to realize I was left out, and then I asked them what they had been talking about. The funny thing about that moment is they had actually been talking about me. But it wasn’t bad (or at least not that they let me know). It turns out that Amy was saying that she’s met a lot of foreigners through her work. In general they think that just because she’s Korean and they are foreigners she will want to be friends with them. She said that this was especially true of men. She was saying that I was different, and that she actually wanted to be my friend. I related to her sentiment, I mean about foreigners, but of course from a different perspective. Something really annoying here is that so many of the foreigner men act like assholes, and I don’t think it is just because this country attracts foreigner assholes, although that is part of it. There are a couple of reasons why a lot of foreigners assume that Korean’s will just automatically want to be their friends. A lot of Korean’s are so anxious to learn English that they will be nice to you just to get the opportunity to talk to you. Another thing is: Many Korean women idolize white men. As a result white men get excited, and think that all Korean women love them. The culture here is definitely behind Canada, America, and other “western” countries in terms of feminism, but it is also different. Misogyny is way more understated, because everything is more understated. So what happens to a lot of western men when they come here, is that they bask in the misogyny of the culture, but totally miss the understatedness of it, basically reverting to obnoxious misogynistic behaviors that may have been appropriate in their home countries 50 plus years ago, but that are certainly not acceptable now. It is really kind of depressing. I am friends with a lot of men, and I like men. I am a feminist, but I am certainly not a man-hater. This behavior has made me very disappointed in men in general, to the point of sounding a bit like a man-hater. O.k. I’ll stop, but I think you see where I’m going. It’s just depressing to see so many men revert to shitty behaviors as soon as they have the opportunity. I guess I actually had more faith in a genuine desire for equality among most men and women, but I don’t think that people with this kind of desire are really the majority. It was pretty cool to hear a Korean woman actually express an irritation at this obnoxious behavior. That night Dustin also said that Amy was helping him to change some of the ideas he had about women: that they couldn’t lift things ect. because Amy helped move tables and stuff like that. Not exactly heavy lifting, but there is an idea held by some people here that women can’t really lift anything. I don’t think I really fall into the same category, because foreigners are all just weird.
Dustin, Amy and I got good and drunk just in time for the principal of the school to finish work, show up at the restaurant, and insist on buying us all another full meal, and more alcohol. This is the point were I really started to exceed my consumption limit (both in terms of food and alcohol), but I was told that in Korea if your boss buys you food and alcohol you have to drink and eat. There was another proud moment with Amy at this restaurant. At one point she started to have a serious discussion with the principal. When he left the table I asked her what they were talking about. She said that she was telling him that the school needed to be more organized in order for her to do her job well, and be challenged by her job. I admire really admire Amy for being thoughrouly Korean, and yet displaying assertive behavior that I don’t even find too common in men hear (in a very respectful way of course). I think she is very brave.
Once we were good and drunk, and stuffed to the absolute limit with tasty food we went to a nooribong (a very very typical Korean drinking night which I now try successfully to avoid doing too often, but I thought with my Korean co-workers was an appropriate enough situation to warrant this type of experience). This was probably the most interesting nooribong experience yet. My co-workers illegally ordered soju for me (which they brought me in a water bottle with food. The water bottle because soju is illegal in a nooribong (you are only allowed beer). The food because they couldn’t stand to see me drinking soju without eating something. This is very typical. Amy sung the most, and she picked a mixture of western and Korean songs. I was just starting to be able to read the alphabet at the time, so I took pleasure in sounding out the characters as she sung them. Amy’s voice is pretty high. She doesn’t sing very tunefully, but she seems to sing with passion (I think). Korean singing is really hard to interpret. My boss came out in this session. He picked songs by Frank Sinatra ect, and his Korean counterparts, and sang them in a semi crooner/ semi operatic voice with perfect intonation, and classical control. My boss was a music major. He actually studied voice, but never really pursued it. He is a nervous, particular fellow (very much a boss type character), so it was really interesting to see him in this capacity. You could tell he loved to sing, and he was good at it (whatever stylistic judgments I may not have agreed with). Upon hearing Amy’s high voice I looked up “girls just want to have fun” in the songbook. Glory Hallelujah, it was there! Amy had never heard of it, but she agreed to try to fake it with me. She actually did a pretty good job of it AND Dustin, and Micheal (my boss) got up and danced. It was a very uncool, and victorious moment. Of the same quality as “little miss sunshine”, but not quite as heart-warming (almost though). Later in the evening I picked “walk on the wildside” by Lou Reed. I remembered that I really liked singing along with it, but had forgotten that is was about prostitution in New York City. This led to another slightly uncomfortable, and somewhat uncool moment of a different nature. Amy had left the room, so it was just me, Micheal (my boss), and Dustin (the male gym teacher). When you see lyrics written on a screen while you sing them your really become much more aware of what you are saying. At first I became quite uncomfortable, and Dustin asked if I would like to turn skip it, but the fact is I LOVE SINGING WITH LOU REED, and I really couldn’t pass up the opportunity (Lou Reeds voice, his lyrics (with a few mistakes) floating across the screen), and a microphone with built in bad reverb for my personal enjoyment). Who would pass that up? In conclusion: my first real Korean Nooribong experience (the other one was a foreigner experience) was incredibly uncool, super fun, and just a little bit embarrassing. Everything one should expect from an experience of this nature. I woke up on Buddha’s birthday with a fuzzy head, and cursed the soju for it’s incredible unholiness. Soju is really the dirtiest alcohol I have ever experienced. I was a bit pissed at myself because I didn’t think Buddha would approve in the least, and I had no idea what I was going to do with my 4 days off (which happens very very rarely in Korea). However, I don’t think that Buddha is really the disapproving type, and fate took a very nice turn for me that weekend despite my possibly bad decisions in with respect to alcohol consumption on Friday.
Dustin and Amy:
A great meal:
That's so true about Lou Reed lyrics...LOL!
ReplyDeleteSounds like you had a memorable night :)