First and maybe last authentic nooribong experience (with Korean's) - the night before Buhdda's birthday

About a month ago I had 4 days off that I was notified about exactly 2 days in advance. Being really new to Korea this did not exactly give me a lot of time to plan a vacation. I made plans with Cate to go to Busan (the other sort of cool city in Korea on the opposite coast, the cleaner coast), but she cancelled last minute due to lack of funds, and I was left with no plans. I texted lots of people, and did some Internet searches, and didn’t come up with anything I wanted to do by myself, or anyone who wanted to go anywhere with me. If I went somewhere by myself I had in mind a mountain or the ocean (preferably both). I didn’t want to wander around another big polluted city by myself. On the Friday night before my vacation I went drinking with my co-workers. I drank far to much soju which (I have now had enough experience with to know for a fact) is always what happens with Koreans. Their drinking games are brutal, and I am sure that they change the rules for unsuspecting foreigners who don’t know any better. At the beginning of the night it was just Amy (my co-kindergarten teacher), and Dustin (the gym teacher, who also teachers only kindergarten). These are the people at work who I am closest to, because I hang out with them all day. We ate some food together, and got pretty drunk. Dustin was pretty tired that night, and he was speaking to Amy in Korean more often then usual. At one while listening attentively to their Korean conversation I realized that I had been listening as if it was French, and I could get the jest of what was going on, but not really communicate my own ideas, but this was not the case. I understood exactly nothing. The only thing I did pick up on were the polite endings to words. The only kind of information that gives you is whether they are talking about a kid, a boss, or their grandparents, and at that point I wasn’t even sure what meant what. At this point of realization I gave them a little very interested look which was enough for them to realize I was left out, and then I asked them what they had been talking about. The funny thing about that moment is they had actually been talking about me. But it wasn’t bad (or at least not that they let me know). It turns out that Amy was saying that she’s met a lot of foreigners through her work. In general they think that just because she’s Korean and they are foreigners she will want to be friends with them. She said that this was especially true of men. She was saying that I was different, and that she actually wanted to be my friend. I related to her sentiment, I mean about foreigners, but of course from a different perspective. Something really annoying here is that so many of the foreigner men act like assholes, and I don’t think it is just because this country attracts foreigner assholes, although that is part of it. There are a couple of reasons why a lot of foreigners assume that Korean’s will just automatically want to be their friends. A lot of Korean’s are so anxious to learn English that they will be nice to you just to get the opportunity to talk to you. Another thing is: Many Korean women idolize white men. As a result white men get excited, and think that all Korean women love them. The culture here is definitely behind Canada, America, and other “western” countries in terms of feminism, but it is also different. Misogyny is way more understated, because everything is more understated. So what happens to a lot of western men when they come here, is that they bask in the misogyny of the culture, but totally miss the understatedness of it, basically reverting to obnoxious misogynistic behaviors that may have been appropriate in their home countries 50 plus years ago, but that are certainly not acceptable now. It is really kind of depressing. I am friends with a lot of men, and I like men. I am a feminist, but I am certainly not a man-hater. This behavior has made me very disappointed in men in general, to the point of sounding a bit like a man-hater. O.k. I’ll stop, but I think you see where I’m going. It’s just depressing to see so many men revert to shitty behaviors as soon as they have the opportunity. I guess I actually had more faith in a genuine desire for equality among most men and women, but I don’t think that people with this kind of desire are really the majority. It was pretty cool to hear a Korean woman actually express an irritation at this obnoxious behavior. That night Dustin also said that Amy was helping him to change some of the ideas he had about women: that they couldn’t lift things ect. because Amy helped move tables and stuff like that. Not exactly heavy lifting, but there is an idea held by some people here that women can’t really lift anything. I don’t think I really fall into the same category, because foreigners are all just weird.

Dustin, Amy and I got good and drunk just in time for the principal of the school to finish work, show up at the restaurant, and insist on buying us all another full meal, and more alcohol. This is the point were I really started to exceed my consumption limit (both in terms of food and alcohol), but I was told that in Korea if your boss buys you food and alcohol you have to drink and eat. There was another proud moment with Amy at this restaurant. At one point she started to have a serious discussion with the principal. When he left the table I asked her what they were talking about. She said that she was telling him that the school needed to be more organized in order for her to do her job well, and be challenged by her job. I admire really admire Amy for being thoughrouly Korean, and yet displaying assertive behavior that I don’t even find too common in men hear (in a very respectful way of course). I think she is very brave.

Once we were good and drunk, and stuffed to the absolute limit with tasty food we went to a nooribong (a very very typical Korean drinking night which I now try successfully to avoid doing too often, but I thought with my Korean co-workers was an appropriate enough situation to warrant this type of experience). This was probably the most interesting nooribong experience yet. My co-workers illegally ordered soju for me (which they brought me in a water bottle with food. The water bottle because soju is illegal in a nooribong (you are only allowed beer). The food because they couldn’t stand to see me drinking soju without eating something. This is very typical. Amy sung the most, and she picked a mixture of western and Korean songs. I was just starting to be able to read the alphabet at the time, so I took pleasure in sounding out the characters as she sung them. Amy’s voice is pretty high. She doesn’t sing very tunefully, but she seems to sing with passion (I think). Korean singing is really hard to interpret. My boss came out in this session. He picked songs by Frank Sinatra ect, and his Korean counterparts, and sang them in a semi crooner/ semi operatic voice with perfect intonation, and classical control. My boss was a music major. He actually studied voice, but never really pursued it. He is a nervous, particular fellow (very much a boss type character), so it was really interesting to see him in this capacity. You could tell he loved to sing, and he was good at it (whatever stylistic judgments I may not have agreed with). Upon hearing Amy’s high voice I looked up “girls just want to have fun” in the songbook. Glory Hallelujah, it was there! Amy had never heard of it, but she agreed to try to fake it with me. She actually did a pretty good job of it AND Dustin, and Micheal (my boss) got up and danced. It was a very uncool, and victorious moment. Of the same quality as “little miss sunshine”, but not quite as heart-warming (almost though). Later in the evening I picked “walk on the wildside” by Lou Reed. I remembered that I really liked singing along with it, but had forgotten that is was about prostitution in New York City. This led to another slightly uncomfortable, and somewhat uncool moment of a different nature. Amy had left the room, so it was just me, Micheal (my boss), and Dustin (the male gym teacher). When you see lyrics written on a screen while you sing them your really become much more aware of what you are saying. At first I became quite uncomfortable, and Dustin asked if I would like to turn skip it, but the fact is I LOVE SINGING WITH LOU REED, and I really couldn’t pass up the opportunity (Lou Reeds voice, his lyrics (with a few mistakes) floating across the screen), and a microphone with built in bad reverb for my personal enjoyment). Who would pass that up? In conclusion: my first real Korean Nooribong experience (the other one was a foreigner experience) was incredibly uncool, super fun, and just a little bit embarrassing. Everything one should expect from an experience of this nature. I woke up on Buddha’s birthday with a fuzzy head, and cursed the soju for it’s incredible unholiness. Soju is really the dirtiest alcohol I have ever experienced. I was a bit pissed at myself because I didn’t think Buddha would approve in the least, and I had no idea what I was going to do with my 4 days off (which happens very very rarely in Korea). However, I don’t think that Buddha is really the disapproving type, and fate took a very nice turn for me that weekend despite my possibly bad decisions in with respect to alcohol consumption on Friday.

Dustin and Amy:



A great meal:

Buhdda's Birthday: (may 2nd in Korea!!!!!) - I am VERY behind.

Saturday morning on buddha’s birthday with a soju head. I was so ashamed of myself, but I figured Buddha wouldn’t be happy if I was ashamed of myself, and I certainly didn’t have the mind to meditate, so I started researching a trip (to salvage my little 4 day vacation) on the internet. I found out some information about a place called sokcho on the east coast (the clean ocean) with a beach and a mountain. I was trying to figure out how to get there when Lorena (the Canadian who I met in a bar, and is now working at my school) called me. She said that her and the boys (her husband and sons) were going out to the shack (the one on an island she had told me about when we me) to move some stuff around, and that I was welcome to come. They were just going for the afternoon, but she thought it might be interesting for me. Realistically my brain was too fried to plan my own adventure, but I took this as fate smiling on me for trying, so I said “sure”. She came to pick me up with Sangmin (her husband), and Jungyun (who I teach in Kindergarten), and “the little one” (her 2 sons). The shack really was a shack (what I was hoping for). It had 2 small rooms, and a very small kitchen that was in need of a good deal of work. One of the rooms (as promised) had a piano in it which was reasonably well tuned (for the fact that it lived in a shack), but was sinking the floor in.
The shack:

The scenery was gorgeous! The shack was surrounded by mountains, and small farms of all types. There were a lot more trees, and different types of foliage on these farms then on western farms, and they were covered in beautiful red dirt. One of the property’s had a group of deer held captive in a relatively small cage. Lorena told me that Koreans keep those kind of deer captivity for the purpose of drinking the blood from their horns. They believe it gives them strength and vitality (or something like that). It seems pretty cruel to me, especially since deer are not particularily territorial animals. We’re all human, and human’s always seem to find ways to abuse the illusionary power that they have over nature. Another common practice here that is questionable as far as the natural world is concerned is the flattening of large hills into the ocean, extending the shoreline, and creating very well-irrigated farmland. It may infact be harmless, but it seems possibly dangerous to the balance of things to mess so severely with the tideline. It is also very unsightly to see bulldozed foothills in the midst of beautiful mountains.
The View from the shack:

Behind the “shack”, and up a little hill was a school, and school grounds used to teach kids in the surrounding area traditional arts, craft, agriculture, music ect.
In the schoolyard:

The art "greenhouse"/tent on the school grounds:

In the past it had been an alternative residential school with a philosophy I can most closely compare to Waldorf (focusing on traditional cooking, farming, music, art ect.) It was eye-opening, and refreshing for me to see this kind of response to the rapid acceleration of Western culture in Korea being made by Korean’s. Lorena told me that the alternative school was still in operation, but it had moved to a different location. Lorena also told me that before the school changed locations many of their neighbours taught at the school. Amoung them were a group of traditional Korean musicians. Two years ago the musicians lived in the building beside her, which at this point in time is completely run down. She said that when the musicians lived there it was kept in very good condition. It was very small. It was hard to imagine any more than one or two people living there, but she said that there were five or six.
The musicians house:

Lorena and Sangmin have owned the shack for 5 years, and they have had a relationship with the school since the beginning. When the musicians lived there they used Lorena and Sangmin’s shack as a practice space when the family wasn’t there. When the family was there, they were often the audience to all night jam sessions (fortunately they are the type of people to appreciate this kind of thing). The family uses some space in the school for storage, and also uses the washroom in the school (since they don’t have one in the shack). When the school moved Lorena and Sangmin wanted to start a live in english school with a hands on philosophy – as an alternative to the book focused language teaching method here in Korea that is as prevalent as it is ineffective. She said that she had actually tried to start it, but had run into a wall, because there are no government grants in Korea similar to what we have in Canada. People who start adventurous, or unusual businesses start them because they either have money themselves, or they know people with money.
We left the shack around 2:30 or 3pm to go for some lunch in towm. The town was a super quaint ocean town - very asian, but with similar characteristics to all asian towns: hilly streets, little restaurants with good simple food, and the smell of the sea. The luch we had was a simple noodle soup with a perfect broth, and homemade noodles. The only side-dish we had was kimchi. It was so modest, and so good. Over lunch Lorena realized that it was Buhdda’s birthday. On the island Ganghwado was one of the oldest temples in Korea (Jeondeungsa). We decided to stay for the ceremonies in celebration of Buhdda’s birthday. We finished lunch around 4pm, and the ceremonies didn’t start until 7pm, so we went to the site of the temple, and climbed up, and around the mountain. It was slow and easy with two little kids in toe, and watching the two parents trying to get their three and five year olds to have some understanding of the “way of Buhdda” was quite entertaining. Jungyun is an incessant chatterer. His mom told him that all these people were celebrating Buhdda’s birthday because he was a very special person, and on Buhdda’s birthday it was important to try to understand who Buhdda was, and that one of the things Buhdda did for a very long time was: not talk, so in order to understand Buhdda it was important to try to stop talking. This is the abridged explanation. The actual explanation had many many interruptions, and questions on the part of Jungyun, and took about twenty minutes to complete. Eventually Jungyun just said, quite firmly, and loudly that he DIDN”T WANT TO BE BUHDDA.
The family treks up the mountain:


Coming down to the temple, from the walk on the mountain, I started to feel a strong “energy”. I have felt an “energy” like that before, at the Vipassana meditation center in Sutton. Then, and now, I connected it to so many people meditating in such a small space. This “energy” at Jeongdeungsa was so strong it was almost palpable. Later, Sangmin told me that the spot was chosen for its level of “energy”. I’ve heard that kind of thing before too; that sites for temples are very carefully chosen, considering a number of factors relating to “energy” flow (not something I understand at all), and after that, the buildings are placed in a very specific location on the site, in order to remain “in harmony” with the “energy” of the landscape. The use of quotations emphasizes the fact that this is all very flakey use of language, and I actually have no idea what I am talking about accept that I am 100% sure that I felt the same thing at Jeongdeunsa as I felt at Sutton, and I can only describe it as some kind of “energy”.
The family, coming down from the mountain to the temples:

Anyways, I really wanted to meditate, knowing full well that “wanting” anything was very unzen……hmmmm….but just the same. Lorena seemed to think that it would be O.k. for me to go into any of the little temples, and meditate, but the first place I tried were I thought it would be least distracting) I was shooed out of. So I went a little ways up the hill to a quiet spot, and meditated outside.

When I came back the family was eating supper. I ate with them, and had only a few minutes to “buy a wish” (part of the ceremony). I felt a bit weird about this (buying stuff on Buhdda’s birthday). The wishes were hung from lanterns. The more you spent on your wish, the bigger your lantern. Does that mean you could make a bigger wish too? Sometimes I can be such an idealistic ass. I don’t know enough about Korean buhddism to make such judgements.
A cheesy picture of me with a lantern, a wish, and the temples behind:

Many lanterns:


All the wishes were written in Korean. I felt self conscious writing in English, and nothing came into my head other than “peace”. I felt funny about writing that in the form of a word, so I wrote the first shape that came out of my hand (can’t write it here). I thought it was a peaceful looking shape. The Korean’s thought I was weird. The drumming started as I finished writing my wish. One huge drum pounded on by three monks, and then one big gong to call everyone to the temple.
The drumming:


In the temple the monks led chanting, and bowing. Some of the Korean’s knew the words, others didn’t. Myself, Lorena, and Jungyun where the only foreigners there. During this time, my cellphone rang. I felt like the obnoxious westerner I always try so hard not to be…AHHH!!!!!! I wrapped it tightly in a scarf, and put it in my shoe (Korean’s are always shoeless indoors). Later, Lorena told me how to put my cellphone on “manners mode”. I have since been extremely grateful. It also works for pretending I don’t have a cellphone, when I don’t want to talk to people I’m not with.
The temples at dusk:

After the drumming and chanting we were all given candles, and all of the lanterns were lit up (not with fire, but electronically). Despite the safety precautions this was completely stunning. There were hundreds of lanterns of all different shapes, sizes, and colours. We then walked with our candles on a path that covered the circumference of the lanterns chanting something that I was told meant “Buhdda is light” – exactly what Christians say about Jesus. I’m not sure what I thought of all the souveneirs being sold, and all the buhdda statues, and shrines, but the air was good, and the meditation was in it.
Lit lanterns:

After the walk the wishes were put inside lit up hot air balloons, and sent up into the sky. That was magical, and I probably shouldn’t criticize it.
flying wishes: